Pictured Above: My absolute favorite spring bloom – the Jacaranda Tree.
The arrival of spring means different things to different sorts of people. For me, it is a reminder of a constant change that we all go through in our lives until we reach our final destination. Not death (yet), but self-awareness and ultimately happiness. The start of the season every year for the last three has seemed to peak my anxiety levels and this year is no different. I delve into why this may be happening in my springtime blog…
As I type this blog, the pit of my stomach feels like thousands of butterflies are fluttering around in circles. I cannot control my anxiety without medication in the springtime and I never understood why. I can only offer a few hypotheses and hopefully find some solace for myself within my own words.
- My birthday is right at the start of the season, and it does bother me that with each passing year I get a little older and still have not achieved any personal goal towards a bright future.
- As the foliage returns to a state of unbridled beauty – I remain the same, if not uglier. Combine that with Dysphoria and you have yourself a Molotov cocktail full of self-loathing shame.
- I have and always will love the winter weather. Since I live in Florida and only get to experience two climates – Hot and not so hot – I truly prefer not so hot. The rising temperatures bring me down for sure.
- I don’t believe I am allergic to anything, however, I have read articles citing specific evidence that high pollen counts and allergies can lead to anxiety and depression.
- I am not a professional writer and still work a job that I am not very passionate about – perhaps the New Year and season remind me of these facts.
- Finally – the new season brings on a memory that I will share with you but hate to recall. I was admitted into a hospital with terrible, uncontrollable anxiety at this exact time 3 years ago. Coincidently, this is the exact moment I discovered I was suffering from Gender Dysphoria. Just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine.
Please comment if you find any of this applies to you. I would love to hear your thoughts! Who knows maybe we can figure this out together!