Pictured Above: My absolute favorite spring bloom – the Jacaranda Tree. 

The arrival of spring means different things to different sorts of people. For me, it is a reminder of a constant change that we all go through in our lives until we reach our final destination. Not death (yet), but self-awareness and ultimately happiness. The start of the season every year for the last three has seemed to peak my anxiety levels and this year is no different. I delve into why this may be happening in my springtime blog…

As I type this blog, the pit of my stomach feels like thousands of butterflies are fluttering around in circles. I cannot control my anxiety without medication in the springtime and I never understood why. I can only offer a few hypotheses and hopefully find some solace for myself within my own words.

  1. My birthday is right at the start of the season, and it does bother me that with each passing year I get a little older and still have not achieved any personal goal towards a bright future.
  2. As the foliage returns to a state of unbridled beauty – I remain the same, if not uglier. Combine that with Dysphoria and you have yourself a Molotov cocktail full of self-loathing shame.
  3. I have and always will love the winter weather. Since I live in Florida and only get to experience two climates – Hot and not so hot – I truly prefer not so hot. The rising temperatures bring me down for sure.
  4. I don’t believe I am allergic to anything, however, I have read articles citing specific evidence that high pollen counts and allergies can lead to anxiety and depression.
  5. I am not a professional writer and still work a job that I am not very passionate about – perhaps the New Year and season remind me of these facts.
  6. Finally – the new season brings on a memory that I will share with you but hate to recall. I was admitted into a hospital with terrible, uncontrollable anxiety at this exact time 3 years ago. Coincidently, this is the exact moment I discovered I was suffering from Gender Dysphoria. Just thinking about it sends a shiver down my spine.

Please comment if you find any of this applies to you. I would love to hear your thoughts! Who knows maybe we can figure this out together! 



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