The Adventures of Karen

Loud Music!

Karen was annoyed and frustrated. Her husband Chad hadn’t arrived from work yet, but boy did she have something to tell him. Loud obnoxious music had been blasting from the neighbor’s house since five o’clock and worst of all it was in a different language! A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE! Well, she wasn’t going to stand for that and hoped her husband would take care of it before the sound grew out of control. She reached for her cell phone and dialed nosey Marge from across the street.

In no time at all, Marge was at the front door stomping her feet. Not to the beat of the music of course, but to the outrage they both felt. A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE, and possibly a party! This wouldn’t do for either of them. They both sat at the kitchen table, where Karen had some fine herbal tea, hot and ready to sip.

“Damn renters,” Karen carried on, “I don’t know why the Smiths had to rent.  They should have sold to a decent family!”

“I know,” Marge said, she always agreed with Karen. “I think they’re Mexican, and that music is god awful. Cha cha cha blah blah blah. How could I enjoy music when I don’t even know what the lyrics are?”

“Oh my god, Marge. It’s terrible. I’m going to let Chad know. He should be home soon and I’m sending him over there to put an end to it!” Karen paced the kitchen back and forth until she heard a car pull into the driveway. She hoped it was Chad returning home from the office, and she was correct. Her husband had arrived, finally.

Chad barely placed his briefcase down, before Karen jumped down his throat, “do you hear that?”

“Hear what?” Chad was visibly confused.

“That damn Mexican music!” Karen wailed.

“It’s horrible, Chad,” added Marge. “Can’t understand a damn word of it. Isn’t this supposed to be America. Should we have to be subjected to this?”

Chad chuckled at the women. He thought it silly the women were worked up over a little loud music. It didn’t bother him one bit so he made a suggestion, “Karen. We have double pane windows. Shut them and you won’t hear it anymore.”

Karen gave poor Chad the stare of death. She folded her arms and marched around the kitchen as if she were doing a River Dance. “Are you serious, Chad? On a beautiful night like this! Close the windows? Waste money on running the air conditioner? You need to go over there and let those Mexicans know it needs to be turned down.”

Chad looked at this wife sideways, “Karen, it’s eighty-five degrees out. Aren’t you going to put the air on anyway?”

“Well, if that horrible music doesn’t stop, I guess I’m gonna have to. Aren’t I? Get over there and take care of it or I will!”

Chad shrugged his shoulders and shook his head in total disagreement. “No. Mr. Diaz is not Mexican, and it’s his daughter Carmen’s graduation party. We were invited, I told him we may possibly show up. So yeah, I’m not gonna do that. And I’m pretty sure they are Puerto Rican not Mexican.”

“Is there a difference?” Marge crows.

“You see,” Karen shouts, “she gets it. Why can’t you?”

Chad knows his wife too well. He realizes she won’t let this go until he makes a complete fool of himself and challenges their new neighbors. Chad submits thinking about the argument and horrible night ahead of him if he doesn’t do what is asked of him. “Fine. I’ll go over there. Just give me some time, okay sweetheart.”

“Well then good.” Karen is satisfied. And her husband is a professional sales person so he should have no trouble at all deescalating the situation.

“I like that Chad,” envied Marge. “George is a coward and I know he wouldn’t do a damn thing about it.”

“Yeah. I didn’t want to have to take matters into my own hands.” Karen plopped her butt down at the table to sip some more hot herbal tea.

After Chad left, Marge and Karen spent hours discussing whether or not President Trump actually built a wall on the border between Mexico and America. This debate was heated and uncomfortable for the ladies. Marge claimed according to FOX News he already had built the wall. However, Karen maintains that is a fence and he WILL build the wall in his second term as President. Both women conceded either way, it would happen. That’s when they noticed it was almost 9:45 PM and Chad had not come home yet and the music was louder than before! 

“I think they killed him,” Marge worried. “You know they don’t bring the best over here. Only killers and rapists come across the border. Well, that’s what I heard anyway.” 

All the blood flushed from Karen’s rosey cheeks, and her face turned milky white. “Oh my god. We have to call the police. We have to call the police now!” She dialed 911 without hesitation. 

“911 what’s your emergency?” The operator said.

Karen become instantly hysterical and yelped, “the Mexicans next door have killed my husband, and we are next!”  

Well, after a call like that the emergency operator had no choice but to send a police officer out immediately. Such a threat to human life is serious! In no time at all a police officer stood at her front door. 

“Evening ma’am,” he began, “did you call 911 and say that Mexican’s killed your husband?” 

“Yes! Officer. Yes! And they’ve been playing some awful music since five o’clock today. He probably yelled for my help, but how could I know. This is terrible. They bring the rapists and killers over, ya know?” Karen’s breaths were labored, and she was having a full panic attack. 

“That they do,” Marge repeated, “that they do.” 

The police officer asked if they could go the back of the house, and possibly see what was going on from the backyard. Karen, told the officer she had a privacy fence installed to keep out intruders! He would have to climb on a chair, and they would surely see him. The officer didn’t seem to mind much. Off they went to the backyard. 

Once near the fence, the music was as loud as a dance club. Many jubilant voices, cheers, and laughter could be heard. “I think they’re having a party. Could your husband be attending?” 

“No! No way! We don’t know them. We already have a set of friends. I sent him there to get this horrible loud music shut down. And,” she cried, “he never came back.” 

The police officer stood on a chair, slowly peeked his head over the fence, and smirked. His tiny smirk spouted into full laughter after he returned to Karen with the news. “Ma’am, you might want to stand on that chair and look over the fence.” 

“Oh my god! What did they do? Chad? Is Chad?” Karen ran to the chair, but reluctantly stepped onto it. “I don’t want to see this do I?” 

Marge rubbed poor Karen’s back, “you have to do this. Be strong.” 

Karen took one step on the chair, with the officers assistance, then another. She wobbled a bit, but regained balance. She raised her heels and her beady eyes went up over the fence and she saw it too! 

Chad and George, both with Coquitos in their hands dancing the night away with the neighbors. Chad never appeared so happy in his life! He noticed Karen at the fence, and called to her, “Come on over! This is the best party I’ve ever been to.” 

“Chad, get your ass home now,” She yelled, “And George, you better leave as well. Margie is here and she’s not going to be happy.”

The two men nodded their heads and said they’d be home soon. However, they didn’t come back until after midnight. The police officer left immediately, without writing a citation. Karen was livid. How would she find justice? 

Oh Karen. Poor old Karen.  

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